A moment of reminiscence
by ReadWriteImagine
Summary: “How do we grasp life’s beautiful moments forever and cast away the agonizing ones? I, Sirius Black, am a figment of the past living in the present haunted by moments that define me.” A moment in Azkaban for Sirius to meditate on his past, present, and fu


Author's note: Hey there! This is my first Fanfic, which makes me a little nervous. I got inspired to write this fic ages ago, but I have major writers block problem. All I request is for my fic to be read. On a final note, I am open to constructive criticism, so please review and tell me my mistakes. I used the English version of the Japanese song, Fukai Mori; Deep Forest by Do As Infinity.

Disclaimer: Don't hurt me, I don't own the world.

Summary: "How do we grasp life's beautiful moments forever and cast away the agonizing ones? I, Sirius Black, am a figment of the past living in the present haunted by moments that define me." A moment in Azkaban for Sirius to meditate on his past, present, and future. Please R&R.

A moment of reminiscence

_I'm sure that the heart I left _

_Behind still lies hidden _

_in the heart of the deep, deep forest_.

Looking at the full moon from the confined windows of Azkaban I wonder, how do we grasp life's beautiful moments forever and cast away the agonizing ones? Will my dark present over power the blissful moments I have lived? I, Sirius Black, am a figment of the past living in the present haunted by moments that define me…moments when dementors suck memories of the youthful days at Hogwarts with my friends. The blooming moon reminds me of the first night James, Peter, and I accompanied Remus on full moon as animagi. We spent days, weeks, and months searching for books that would have the answer to becoming an animagi and let us connect to the other, the werewolf Remus once a month. The first night meant more than an adventure in the Forbidden Forest. It was the night that our loyalties to each other became strong. That blessed moment became cursed when Peter betrayed us.

I want to live the wondrous moment as the best man in James and Lily's wedding. I was so proud of James for starting a family, for choosing his soul mate to be a wonderful and intelligent woman, Lily Evans. A brotherly moment. I want to grasp the moment James named me godfather to Harry. I need to live the proud moment when for the first time I took my godchild in my arms. He was so innocent, peaceful, and unaware of the dangers in the world. I swore to protect him from the world, to teach him to stand up for himself against the likes of Snape, and to make him the new generation of the Marauders. A fatherly moment.

_Exhausted, without the strength to _

_search_

_people vanish into the infinite darkness._

_If it's so small, I wonder if I can see it even now?_

The luminous moon reminds me that I am to be blamed for my taunting situation. I have hated myself for trusting Peter to be a secret keeper. I blame myself for James and Lily's ruthless death, for making Harry an orphan. I am haunted by a night that ended my youth. I am haunted by guilt. Just a moment's decision decided our lives. I remember telling James that Peter deserved to be their protector; after all, he had been a true friend. Oh, why did it happen to James and Lily? Can I cast away that moment? Can I have a moment to stop Peter from becoming what he was? I am obsessed with hunger to avenge death of the two most wonderful people in the world. I need to get the trust of my only remaining friend, Remus.

_As we live on,_

_we lose a little bit more._

_Shrouded in falsehoods and lies,_

_we stand frozen to the spot, unable to cry out._

The shining moon is a façade of a miserable past. It reminds me of the night I went to check on the Potters. Cursed was the moment I saw the Dark Mark when I entered the Potters' garden. A million thoughts ran through my head. No. It couldn't be them? Was Harry all right? What about James and Lily? Was he in there torturing them? Why did Peter lie and betray us? I ran for the open front door. The lively James was lying on the floor with eyes wide open in horror, lifeless. I was frozen to the spot because if I moved any further, I knew that I might find a lifeless Lily and Harry. My feet forced me into Harry's bedroom. Another death. A soulless Lily on the floor in front of Harry's crib. The sound of the crying Harry was ringing in my ears pleading for the warmth of his dead mother. Looking in his innocent green eyes, I could feel the grief of an orphan infant. I despise that horrifying moment.

_The days pass by and change,_

_without us even realizing how blue _

_the sky really is._

Sitting here on the cold floor of Azkaban, staring at darkness for days, weeks, months, and years, I imagine the moments I have lost. I regret every moment I could have spent these years teaching my godson how to be a Marauder. I wish that every full moon I could accompany Remus. As the days pass by, I wonder what Harry is doing without me. Is he happy with the Dursleys? He must be twelve years old now. Probably… in Hogwarts. Is he planning a prank on his transfiguration class? I wonder if Remus is all right. Is he married or is he shunned by society for being a werewolf? An incomplete moment.

_Overcoming that made-up scheme, _

_we live the present,_

_and our rusted hearts begin to beat again!_

_If we can find the rhythm of time, _

_we can fly once again._

Still there is a hopeful moment. I know that one day I will be able to accompany Remus as Padfoot on full moon. I can say that one day I will be proud of the new generation of the Marauders, Harry Potter. Does he have friends like me, loyal friends, true friends? My rusted hearth begins to beat again when I think about my godson, who survived the unforgivable curse. My eyes shine in the darkness of the cell at the thought that he will be strong and loyal like James, and understanding, wonderful like Lily. At last, I am relieved that this bittersweet moment will last whether I live many more beautiful or agonizing moments.

Fin.


End file.
